


Oh My God, There’s Two of Them

by Grisly_Goober



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Gen, Irkens learning to not be boot lickers, M/M, Post-Florpus, Skoodge is terrifying actually, Slow Burn, Zim and Dib have a truce
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-11-24 12:28:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20907662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grisly_Goober/pseuds/Grisly_Goober
Summary: Dib is in for a surprise when yet another Irken shows up in his class. He’s in for an even bigger surprise once said Irken sheds some light on his intentions and who Zim really is.Alternatively; Defective Irkens slowly accepting themselves and accidentally growing new feelings in the process.





	Oh My God, There’s Two of Them

**Author's Note:**

> Oh, no! I spend months not writing a second chapter for my first fic, and here I am writing a new one! I just love this unexplored dynamic, fellas!
> 
> Anyway, here’s the first chapter to a ZaSR fic where Skoodge is portrayed how I like. I also wanted to write a fic where Zim’s emotions are explored through the eyes of another Irken, so there you go! Read on!

Life for Dib had become slightly less unbearable ever since Zim had announced his extended sabbatical from enslaving planet earth. Apparently his leaders had mysteriously “disappeared” a few months ago, and the Invader claimed he didn’t want to demolish so much as a lemonade stand until he was certain he could stream it for his Tallest in real time.

The young paranormal investigator had called a sort of truce with the alien in the past month- Dib didn’t try to expose or perform vivisection on Zim, and in return, Zim wouldn’t cause harm to any of the local fauna (or humans). The latter party found the trade a little unfair, but a deal was a deal.

The light bullying still persisted, however. Dib would spray water at an unsuspecting Zim, and the next day Zim would have taught the entire class a mean little tune about how big and ugly Dib’s head was. They’d insult each other, demean the other, bite, scratch, punch and throw dangerous fluids at the other, but it always mostly stayed between them as promised. “I feel like a martyr, taking a hit for humanity every time Zim throws hands with me!” Dib had recently told Gaz, who gave a pained “Uuuuugh,” in response.

Today started off quite normally. Class was waiting for Ms. Bitters to slither into homeroom and tell them why they shouldn’t try for anything but a dull, pointless life where they were another cog in the machine. A real peach, that Ms. Bitters... And in her absence, Dib and Zim had one of their famous verbal standoffs.

“Giga-head!” Screamed Zim

“Weenie-brain!” Dib screamed back.

“Dookie-monkey!”

“Ugly-bugly!”

“What is a bugly?!”

“It’s a stupid, dumb bug that rhymes with ugly!”

“Your insults are stupid!”

“Yeah, but you’re ACTUALLY stupid!”

“You’re more stupid than me!”

“Am n-“

“QUIET!”

Zim and Dib froze as the room came to a hush- Ms Bitters had entered the room.

“Miserable children..” she started, “It is with great displeasure that I introduce yet another one of you horrible cretins.”

Said miserable children and Zim turned to see said horrible cretin walk in. Dib’s jaw dropped as he realized the new kid was obviously another of Zim’s kind- He was green, didn’t have a nose or ears, and an obvious Pak was sticking out from behind him. But there were some differences- The new Irken was wearing a purple hooded sweatshirt, a ruby colored beanie with black bangs sticking out, and yellow eyes behind thick glasses. He seemed to have a heavier build than Zim, which Dib found strange- all the other Irkens he’d seen seemed to be incredibly slender, despite eating an impossible amount of snacks.

“Hello, uhm... Fellow toddlers..?” The Irken glanced around to read the room, and seemed satisfied by the lack of interest, “I am Skoodge! Me and my parents are from out of town, so if you see me reacting to this town’s horrendous stink, I’m just not used to it yet. Also, I was diagnosed with a terrible skin condition that can probably kill you if you touch me or breathe too much in my general direction. That’s all, or whatever.”

Dib had an overwhelming urge to point at the alien and call him out, but he knew the other kids would never believe him, and his unfortunate truce with Zim was still on the table.. Still in dropped jaw mode, he turned to Zim, who had been wearing the same shocked expression as he had. The alien then proceeded to kick The neighboring student from his chair.

“HEY SKOODGE!! IT’S ME, ZIM! SIT NEXT TO ME!!” He called, frantically waving his hands. Skoodge looked happy to receive the invitation and began setting up.

“But... that’s my seat...” Brian said weakly as he sat up from the kicking.

“Obviously not anymore. You belong to the back of the classroom now.” Ms. Bitters commanded. Sadly, Brian accepted his fate and walked to the decrepit, rotting desk in the back, where light seemed to avoid.

“Zim! You seem... Excited to see me?” Skoodge said curiously.

“Of course I am!” Zim proclaimed dramatically, ever loyal to his own brand, “Zim’s always delighted to see another Ir-“ he glanced around the room, “-Er.. Child who shares my disability! Zim is em-POWERED!!”

The smaller Irken then leaned in closer to Skoodge and stage whispered, “And since the Tallest disappeared, I’ve had no one to hold an intelligent conversation with! Nearly all these humans are so dreadfully stupid! Except for that one, look out for him.” He pointed to a very twitchy Dib, “He’s not at our superior level of intellect, but don’t let him fool you! he-“

“Stop peeping!” Ms. Bitters screeched. Zim and Skoodge stiffened in attention, but as the teacher began droning on about how the planet could explode any second, they began passing notes, most likely filling each other in.

Dib rolled his eyes. If the other kids didn’t give any thought to how Skoodge and Zim knew each other, they wouldn’t appreciate the truth right in front of them. It still drove Dib crazy that he couldn’t say anything about it, though!! He watched the two Irkens passing notes and narrowed his eyes as Zim read over a particularly important note and gave a mild smirk before feverishly writing back. He was far too quiet to not be up to something... But what?

During Recess, Dib predictably spied on the Irkens from afar, also predictably staying close to his little sister.

“Look at them, Gaz! Two Irkens at our skool! What are they planning?” He asked extra predictably.

“Probably deciding what movie they should catch this evening.” Gaz said, eyes glued to her gaming console.

“How can you be so calm about this? Zim has an ally! That’s double the damage and destruction we’ve been dealing with!”

“And double the stupidity,” Gaz shrugged, “If Zim’s new friend is like him at all, they’ll be tripping over each other and foiling their own plans.”

“But what if Skoodge is like some performance reviewer, or a micro-manager who’s there to make sure Zim does his job? Or what if he’s like Tak and- Aaahh!!”

Dib made a beeline towards the Irkens, “Just what are you up to, Zim? ‘Cause if you’re holding out on your side of the truce-“

“Calm down, earthen filth,” Zim said, rolling his contact eyes, “Skoodge is only here because he needs a place to stay. Also, he could come in handy once our truce is over!”

Dib eyed Skoodge suspiciously. Skoodge glared back at him. Dib shuddered, though he didn’t know why. This softer looking Irken seemed somehow more... Dangerous than Zim. Which just made Dib even more concerned about him possibly having similar intentions as Tak. He hated to admit it, but he’d much prefer Zim’s shenanigans over a more efficient alien invader. And a much smaller part of him hated to admit that he didn’t want any harm directed at his best enemy... that wasn’t from his own hands.

“It’s so nice to see my greatest enemy getting along so terribly with my Irken comrade,” Zim said with a smirk. He wrapped his arm around Skoodge, who immediately stiffened, and gave him an odd look. The smaller Irken seemed to realize whatever mistake he was making and immediately retracted his clawed hand. Dib raised an eyebrow. He’d never seen Zim portray any sign of guilt.

“Yeah...” Dib was about to at least try to convince Zim to give him and Skoodge a minute alone when the forces of nature decided to throw him one (1) bone in the form of Gir suddenly showing up on the playground in his human boy suit.

“Master!!” The robot squealed happily as he ran towards the group with his arms wide open. He clamped his arms around the startled Irken, “I missed you so much!”

“I’m... What?..”

Gir froze and slowly looked up to realize that he’d not embraced his master, but another strange Irken. He visibly shook when Skoodge gently pushed him off, and began to sob, which quickly grew to panicked shrieking.

“Calm down, Gir, I’m right here.” Zim said tiredly. Gir bee-lined for him and wrapped his surprisingly strong arms around his torso.

“Master!! I missed you so mu-huh-huuuch!” Gir bawled. Zim was about to place a comforting hand on Gir, but paused, looking in Skoodge’s direction. He withdrew his hand.

“Ehhh.. get off, Gir.” He gave the robot a soft shove, but Gir just went right back to his bear-hugging. “Well! I guess I should escort my robot home. He’s clearly malfunctioning.”

“Should I come too?” Skoodge asked.

“No, no!” Zim said, “It’ll look suspicious if two of us escort him at the same time. Besides, you should probably keep an eye on the Dib to make sure he’s holding his end of the truce!”

Zim walked off, with Gir latched onto his middle and dragging his feet on the ground, babbling unintelligibly. That left Dib and Skoodge alone. It was immediately awkward.

“So,” Skoodge started, “Zim tells me you’re insane..”

“What are you up to?!” Dib demanded.

“What do you me-“

“The last Irken that just showed up at our skool tried to destroy the Earth just to steal Zim’s mission. Is that your game here? Are you here for revenge? What did Zim do to you? Huh? Huh?! HUH?!”

“Wow, Zim was right about you,” Skoodge said, rolling his eyes, “Maybe I just wanted to hang out with Zim, you ever think of that?”

“What, do you think I’m stupid?”

“Nope! Just crazy!”

Dib’s left eye twitched as he growled, “I know you’re not here for Zim’s companionship! He’s obnoxious, he thinks he knows everything and he screams all the time!”

“Sound familiar?”

Dib nearly foamed at the mouth.

“Hm. Since YOU’RE so observant, let me ask you something.” Skoodge said. Dib stopped gritting his teeth and cocked an eyebrow.

“Have you ever noticed how Zim’s a little... Off?”

“Well, uh, YEAH-“

“Let me rephrase that-“ Skoodge cut in, “Off by OUR standards, Irken standards.. hm. Have you ever noticed Zim’s... ugh... His sensitive side?”

“sensitive what-now, excuse me?” Dib nearly balked- this had to be some sort of joke.

“It might be too subtle for your pathetic human senses to pick up on, but it’s there.” Skoodge said, “I’ve spent only a few Earth hours here, and even I can see the evidence that you SURELY should have noticed, had you not been born with a primitive monkey-worm brain.”

Dib narrowed his eyes at the insult, but he was curious, “Like what?”

“You’re still talking to me now, aren’t you?” Skoodge asked, “We Irkens can kill you so easily if we wanted, and he sees you as his greatest threat to his mission. Yet he’s still kept you around! He obviously can’t bring himself to do it.”

Dib crossed his arms, “He can’t bring himself to do it because I’m always one step ahead of him! You know, he’s attempted to kill me multiple t-“

“Sure, sure, but there’s also that defective Sir unit. How long has it been acting like that?” Skoodge asked.

“As long as he’s been here, I think?” Dib said, “Maybe two years ago?”

“Irken Invaders receive special training on how to disassemble their Sir units the minute they start showing signs of disfunction. But Zim lets his roam around freely like... That!” Skoodge wiggled his hands to represent Gir’s insanity, “It’s obvious he keeps it around soley for company.”

“That robot’s helpful!.. sometimes...” Dib said, “If anything, his crazy personality catches everyone off guard!”

“Catches YOU off guard, maybe,” Skoodge said, “And my final clue is that Zim seems to have retained his habit of randomly hugging everything.”

“Re-..tained?” Dib questioned.

“Zim always was a weirdo.” Skoodge said, “constantly hugging his comrades during training- got him beat up on the regular. But he learned. Sorta..”

Dib suddenly DID remember a time when Zim randomly just hugged Ms. Bitters of all people when asked about his parents. He suddenly had questions.

“What were his parents like?” He asked innocently.

Skoodge laughed loud and obnoxiously at him. “We Irkens haven’t had to resort to primitive parenting in years! We’re all hatched artificially with the help of machines and cloning technology- but I’m getting off track.

He turned around to point at his Pak. “Are you familiar with this thing?”

“Yeah, it almost killed me- It’s like a parasite, right? It controls your mind?”

“Eh, depending on how you look at it,” Skoodge shrugged, “We’re all born with these Paks implanted in us seconds after hatching. It serves as a multi-tool. But It also has knowledge downloaded to it already so we’re born with the ability to speak, recall our entire history and solve advanced mathematical equations. But sometimes, the coding gets all screwed up and it makes the Irken... Think funny. Those Irkens are called defectives. You see where I’m going with this?”

“I think I do,” Dib said, “What happens to defectives?”

“They usually get re-encoded, or uh. Executed. B-“

“Is that why you’re here?! You’re a special agent who’s job is to escort defective Irkens back to their planet so they can be executed and!-“

“Calm down, that’s not why I’m here!” Skoodge said, “But if it was... Why would you care?”

Dib opened his mouth, but nothing came out.

“Ah, clue four- His mortal enemy doesn’t want him to die either!” Skoodge mocked.

“Well- Not during our truce, at least!”

Skoodge released a puff of air from his mouth and squeaked, “heh! Truce!”

“Why are you here, then?” Dib questioned, “If Zim is such a defect who gets beat up on his planet, why do you want to hang out with him?”

“When you come from a race that’s pre-programmed to think the same way from birth, you get a little bored hanging out with practically the same person, over and over.” Skoodge explained, “Zim is different than the others- So different, but he believes he’s like the rest of us. Or at least, that’s what he wants to believe.”

“So Zim is like. Entertainment for you?”

“You could call it that, but I prefer calling it living an interesting life that keeps my superior Irken mindset on its toes while I’m out of commission.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Dib asked. He felt a little gloomy for some reason, “I mean, don’t you worry that I’ll just tell Zim and he’ll get super upset and start acting irrationally?”

“Why would I worry about that?” Skoodge asked, “I am Invader Skoodge. The first real invader to actually conquer a planet.” 

Skoodge’s eye contact started to become more and more violent and aggressive as he continued, “I singlehandedly wiped out an entire planet of slaughtering rat people. Do you know what slaughtering rat people are like, Dib? Do you know what it’s like facing even one rat who’s grown to twice your size, and skinning it alive to wear its body like a disguise?”

Dib began to shiver. His gut-feeling of Skoodge being sincerely dangerous began to make sense.

“You think I’m even capable of fearing a pathetic child made of meat and goop? I could cut through you like butter if I wanted to.” His Pak legs peaked out, “And you’ll be tempting me if it so much as looks like you’ll tell Zim.

“You’re threatening me?”

“Uh-DOY.” 

“But our truce-“

“You and ZIM’s truce.” Skoodge corrected, “I am a neutral party. Don’t cross me.”

“I- Okay..” Dib said, breaking eye contact. It felt so wrong to just admit defeat like that, but Skoodge oozed a certain type of danger he’d never faced before. A type of danger that seemed closely related to Zim’s when he’d literally tried to destroy the Earth at the expense of his own life during the Florpus incident. But unlike Zim’s manic and desperate (huh) quest for his Tallest’s approval (HUH), this situation couldn’t be solved with the use of a little moose or outperforming the enemy. This was terrifying, potentially sudden brute strength.

“I’m glad we could have this understanding!” Skoodge said cheerfully. Dib winced.

“Alright, Skoodge, I’m back and- Hey, what is this?? Don’t tell me you too are worst enemies already!” It was at that moment Zim finally reappeared, restoring some sense of familiar comfort for Dib.

Noting Zim’s strange jealousy towards anyone else’s shared animosity, Dib spoke up, “Please, this guy?” He gestures to Skoodge, “Sure, he’s a jerk, but you’re the absolute worst, Zim. I couldn’t hate anyone more.”

“And it’s impossible to hate someone as much as I hate you, Dib-Smelly!” Zim pushed Dib with enough force to knock backwards. He looked up to see Skoodge give him a look that said, “See?” And Dib suddenly understood a little more about Zim at that moment.

Zim could really do some damage. He had been able to do some real damage in their earlier days of fighting, but it seemed to die down in the past year. Skoodge could kill a giant rat person and wear its skin, but here’s Zim, an apparently touch-starved individual just pushing his own enemy with enough force to cause mild discomfort. It was incredibly malicious, but it was the only outlet the Irken had to show some form of affinity towards a human without receiving disapproval. He probably wasn’t even aware of this himself. So Dib did the naturally obvious thing in response;

He swept Zim’s legs from the ground, and punched him in the eye when he fell. Dib took advantage while his enemy was stunned and fled the scene while flipping him off. 

“I’ll get you for that, Dib!!” Zim screamed, shaking his fist in the air. He dropped his head back and groaned. That horrible little human could pack a punch when he wanted to! He stared up at the ugly orange sky. A hand entered his peripheral vision and he started when he realized it was Skoodge’s. After running through a quick debate on whether it was appropriate or not, Zim accepted his help up, and tried to keep his wig from jittering as his antennae quivered underneath.

“So, I don’t get it, is Skool over?” Skoodge asked.

“Nah, we have about ten minutes of recess left before we go inside for three more hours.”

“And the children are expected to do this five times a week? That’s diabolical.”

“Yeah, the humans might be dumb, but they can be pretty cruel to their smeets.”

“Why do you continue to go?”

“Why, to excel and prove to everyone my superior intellect so once I rule this planet, Everyone will say, THAT INCREDIBLY SMART CHILD WAS OUR LORD AND MASTER IN DISGUISE THIS WHOLE TIME!” Zim struck a dramatic pose which made Skoodge laugh. Zim looked at him curiously before realizing the laugh wasn’t malicious and continue, “plus, it’s a somewhat reliable resource for earth knowledge. Did you know there was this one human, Nape-pully-in Bones-apart, who...”

As Zim rambled on about the little dwarf “Frintch” human who escaped being banished to an island twice, Skoodge allowed himself to smile warmly.

He didn’t tell Dib the real reason he was here. Zim was a defect. And he was entertaining. But he also had a sense of self-confidence that practically oozed from him. It was infectious. And as an Invader who was discriminated against violently for being too short.. as an Invader who’s suspicions of being defective this whole time had recently began to grow... He wanted to be near that infectious pride as much as possible, and hoped it would rub off on him in time.

Skoodge just really liked being around Zim.

**Author's Note:**

> So there’s the first chapter! Now that you’ve read it, I can say my main inspiration is that everyone in the fandom sees Skoodge as a soft, laidback, undercooked cinnamon bun who’s gaga for Zim, and while he is laid back and oddly loyal to Zim, we have to also remember that he’s the first Irken Invader to conquer a planet by himself. We also must take into account that Skoodge was given the apparently most dangerous and difficult assignment because of discrimination, and still won. Skoodge is a ruthless warlord, possibly the most dangerous being in the universe! 
> 
> But perhaps the most damning evidence of his sick, twistened adrenaline junkie ways is that he willingly wants to hang out with Zim, the most chaotic and unpredictable individual in his entire race. Skoodge surely knows what he’s capable of, and he still wants to be around him.
> 
> I want to explore that!


End file.
